What I'm trying to learn to do is--DROP EXPECTATIONS! I have all these expectations for myself, I put all this pressure on myself, but I need to remember that I am indeed HUMAN. When I was younger I thought by now, I'd have my own place and would be happy in my career, but I've come to find grown-ups don't have it all figure out at all. Some days, I feel like I'm on the right track and others I feel I'm blind and the future is unseen...Which in a way is true, no one can tell the future. I just wish I knew that in the end, everything will turn out alright. 

I keep having these dreams where I'm performing on stage, where I'm really involved in the arts. I also went to this spiritual store to get incense and another book to get a self-help book---and the people within those places would tell me my calling is the Arts. Everything has been pointing me towards my passion WRITING-POETRY-SELF EXPRESSION. Yet, I feel I've been on a long vacation from the artsy-poetic side of me. There have been instances where I get the urge to write such as when I was high and also another time before that. But I haven't been my artsy/creative self in a while---lack of inspiration. I need to start looking at everything around me as if it can be poetry. 

I also need to start being more open and communicative--I feel I have become more closed in. Yesterday, I was mad with AM and instead of just coming out and saying I was upset and annoyed with him, I just lashed out aggressively. Mainly because I didn't want problems to arise, since things have been going so great, but I should be more communicative with him--though I still feel he's not open with me. I am trying to improve myself and be a better person--woman--human. 

Gotta stay positive through these tough times. May I drop bad habits and better myself. May I not worry so much about the future and situations. May I be brave enough to follow the path of my passions without fear. May I not be so hard on myself. May I love more. 

Trust The Process xo

7:05pm