Today, I went to the poetry workshop. At first, there was only me and the instructor. He said that if one more person didn't show up then it would be canceled--one more person ended up showing up though. Overall, I felt the workshop was helpful, but I wish there were more people. It was nice to be in a space where I could freely openly talk about my feelings. The writing exercises that he made us do were intriguing because they pushed me out of my comfort zones. We did a writing exercise where we had to write for 10 minutes straight--during this time he would through out random words and we'd have to incorporate them into whatever it was we were writing. I think that might have been one of my favorite exercises.
Overall, I felt the day went pretty good. I was feeling good and better and happy!!!! Yet my whole mood changed.... just a bit ago, I received an email stating I didn't get the diversity scholarship--that made me kind of sad and made me feel a bit discouraged. Why you may ask? I'm okay with getting rejected from the scholarship, it's the simple fact that it feels I'm being rejected from literally everything in life right now. And to be honest, I wouldn't even be surprised if my boyfriend decided to leave me(do I want that to happen? No, I don't)--but when I told him, he said he already knew--he didn't give me any words of encouragement; which I could really use right now- or a hug--some sense of comfort--everything else is falling to shit. What's next? I'm starting to wonder why I even exist---what's my purpose? Everything feels---I don't know. I feel hurt and sad because I'm trying so hard to remain positive about things, but everything is just slapping me in the face---pushing me to the ground.....
I have a major headache....Feeling really sad tonight. wahhhhhhh