Well, today was a day. Firstly, in the middle of the night around 3am there was a knock on the door; my mom answered. And there he was standing at the door intoxicated as usual. I was in my room, but heard everything. He said he felt like he was dying; he was so loud. Also, did I mention he's been gone since Halloween, so this was the first time he was back. My mom told him she was going to take him to the emergency, but he didn't want to go. So, he finally fell asleep, but now he is back in the house. So fuckin annoying.
As soon as I woke up this morning, I left. I can't stand being around him. Another thing that happened is, my mom came to tell me about some new Church that she discovered, and asked if I want to go with her. I kindly told her no thank you. She asked me why, and I told her because I don't like Church and what they stand for. Well we got in a big argument and she went on to say all these things about me. How can your own Mother be an enemy, be the person who continues putting you down in strife and hardships. I don't get it.
It makes me angry and upset because I just want her to accept me for me. But to be honest since I was younger she has always put me down---whether it be my weight, the things I want to pursue, the decisions I make. She has never truly been 100% supportive in anything I do--except probably Track and Field. I'm tired of trying to please her; I truly can't win with her--she will find a flaw someway, somehow. Days have been good lately, but today wasn't a good day. But I'm trying to remain in a positive mind set, though the energy inside this house is so toxic; I don't want it to rub off on me. Losing my job, still hurts. I'm worried about my finances. I applied to hella jobs today. I need to move out ASAP or put my stuff in a storage and sleep in my car.
Hoping for Brighter Days To Come...Soon.