The last 2 weeks, I've been in high spirits despite circumstances. But today, I just woke up with a big cloud over my head. Right now, home life isn't so great. No matter what I do, my mom finds something wrong to nag about. All the nagging is towards me, my brother gets none. It's becoming aggravating and draining to my mental health. There are days, where I plan to stay in and work from home---but then my mom nags me, so I end up leaving--going to a cafe, walking around the mall, laying in echo park--anywhere but home. I feel I can't even call HOME, home anymore. My dad comes and goes as he pleases. My mom and I have never had a close relationships because we have different views and opinions on just about everything. When I try to tell my opinion about something, she either talks over me or puts down my opinions. It has been like that all my life and I feel that is a main factor as to why I am quiet---fear of getting my opinion shutdown, fear that my opinion doesn't matter. I've learned it all from my childhood. I am trying to change.
I also feel very discouraged today because I'm worried about my finances, right now I have paper source, but I'll only get 8-15 hours per week (possibly more) but they said that's what seasonal people usually get. So, it's obvious I have to get another job. Been applying like crazy. I hope I get one within the next week. Once again there goes my savings, because I have to use it to survive. I'm just feeling very stressed about my finances and I'm not very thrilled with my home life either. It's said that home doesn't feel like home to me. So much negativity surrounding me, it's starting to get the best of me. Why is all of this happening to me; all at once. I need my own place.
May new opportunities come my way soon.
*feeling a bit lost* 1:15pm