Feeling bleh.

The last 3 days, I feel my emotions have been like a roller coaster. One day, I'm super optimistic, others I'm pessimistic and others I'm in between. It sucks, when you have a plan and it just abruptly gets taken away or abruptly snatches other opportunities from you. I've been applying like CRAZY to jobs, no matter what it is. And have yet to hear anything, except one rejection. It's very disheartening. The holidays are here and I won't even have any money, it seems to get anyone any gifts. 

I would say today I'm feeling somber. Like there's a cloud over my head; I've also just been keeping to myself and spending time alone. I've just been binge watching shows, going to the cafe, reading at Echo Park, hiking---those things make me feel free. Free from stress, free from worries, free from this heavy weight on my shoulders, from this heavy weight that resides on my heart, due to current circumstances. I'm at one and in the moment, when I'm within nature. 

I've been reading a lot more and writing a lot more, so that's a big plus. My attention span and most millenials and youngins (40 and below) is very short. I'm trying to make sure I at least put 30 mins aside each day to read/write. I'm trying to remain positive, but sometimes I wake up and I wonder how I will make it through the day, but here I am still standing, still pushing. I feel like a caterpillar, searching for it's wings--when I have yet to build my cocoon.

Things will get better, love. Be patient with yourself and the process
5:13pm