Hello. Firstly I want to say today I hung out with my mom. If you don't know, my mom and I don't have a great relationship, especially since my dad has moved back in. From as long as I can remember, our ideas/opinions never matched. We clash a lot. My mom has also been a huge factor in how I see myself and my self-esteem. Anyways, today I pushed all that to the back and went Christmas shopping with her to get people's presents--overall the time spent with her was good, despite her bringing up my dad and trying to get me to accept him. *rolling eyes*
Secondly, for the past 2-3 days something has been weighing heavy on my mind. A member of a Korean Music Group, passed away by committing suicide. It was a real shocker, as this person just performed a few days ago. At his last show, he debuted a new song in which he says, "I made this song to tell you, not to be sad and in pain when a loved one is gone." Days in advance he finished up all his projects, gave away belongings and wrote a letter that he gave to a close friend, in which he told them, "if I ever disappear, give this to my family." When I heard this story it really tugged at my heart strings 1. Because there have been times when I become stuck in a dark place and don't know if I'll get out. 2. Because just this week, I actually had a friend vent to me about their struggles in life. During this conversation that told me, how they suffer with depression and how everyday when they step out the door they have to put on a mask and every thinks they're all good because they're smiling when inside they are really hurting. I know those feelings too well.
It aches to know that people get to a point in life, where they rather die than to live. I'm a huge advocate when it comes to Mental Illness, I have family members with it and have dealt with lonely dark times, myself. I wish Mental Illness wasn't such a social stigma. This makes me even more so want to pursue my Master's. My soul aches for those close to him and for those who feel there is no use to going on. I think this might be a sleepless night.
C'est La Vie xo 12:01AM xo