HEAVY

I feel heavy because I fell for him and he caught me, because no one has ever treated me like him, because why put so much time, effort, and energy into something if you don't want it, because why take me around your friends, because why make a sentimental post on Instagram about us-me-we, because you've helped me grow in so many ways, because I love you, because I don't know what to do, because I want to be with him, because he treats me the way I always wanted to be treated, because he captured my heart when I wanted to close it off, because I like seeing him pursue his dreams, because I love watching him on stage, because I'm worried this will be the last time I drive to his house, the last time I kiss him, the last time I'm in his presence, the last time I lay by his side, the last time him and I make a memory, the last time I see his beautiful face, the last time I witness his smile, his laugh, the last time I smell his scent---I don't want it to be the last time, because how will I be able to say goodbye and not shed a tear, because he's helped me face fears....

I feel so heavy, my heart is heavy, my soul is aching, my mind is a storm. I absolutely HATE this generation--you don't know what to do because you don't know if you want to be in a relationship because you think you'll be side tracked. If that's the case, what have we been doing? Are we not in a relationship, because it sure feels like we have been this whole time. We've been in a relationship! I don't feel I've ever side tracked you--if anything I feel I've been as supportive as can be--but maybe none of that matters. Maybe I'm not as important or special as I thought....maybe it all was just a lie, a game---maybe everyone is indeed the same...