Tonight, I went to an Open Mic event and performed. It was exhilarating, inspiring, emotional, and just what the "Doctor" prescribed. I performed 2 poems of mine, "Absentee Father" & "Let Me". The space felt welcoming, it was diverse in race/ethnicity/age/talents. I plan to go back and perform on a regular. For me, poetry has always been my safe haven. Poetry has been the thing to help me survive--as crazy as that sounds. I've turned to it in my darkest of times, in my happiest of times, in my saddest of times. Writing to me is therapy, it's religion...I have a hard time communicating my feelings, so writing allows me to express myself openly--without fear of being judged, of being too vulnerable, of seeming to weak, of being ashamed of my feelings--whether good or bad, happy or sad, dark or light.
As I sat in the crowd, a favorite local poet of mine was performing--her boyfriend/husband (don't remember which) was in the crowd, I saw the look of support plastered on his face. And I wondered will anyone ever be sitting in the crowd for me, rooting me on--will anyone ever want to come along with me to an Open Mic for moral support? It seems I'm always the one there supporting others, but no one is ever supporting me in my dreams, no one has ever wanted to accompany me to an open mic. Will I ever have a lover who wants to be supportive of my dreams, who roots for me, who loves seeing me on stage? Anyways that's just me thinking aloud. I had a good time tonight and hope to attend more Open Mics and face fears.