Ever since my father came around a month ago, I've felt nothing but old wounds opening. I've felt nothing but afraid that those I care about in my life will leave. He came, he drank, he did drugs, he talked badly to my mom, he hadn't changed at all--though he constantly said he was trying to. He has finally left now. And I'm left feeling pain, left feeling fragile and vulnerable. I hate that he came around AGAIN and just thought that things would be "normal". I hate that he reopened wounds, I had long healed. I hate that I'm re-feeling/experiencing feelings that I had moved on from. Funny how wounds can be re-opened by the slightest of things. People suck...He sucks.
Parents' play an important role in a child's life. Children observe everything. Parents in a sense assist in how their child will grow up and view the world. I hope that if I'm ever blessed to have children that their father acts as a dad to them, is there for them, is someone they can depend on and doesn't end up wounded as I have. Maybe that's why I'm always scared to get too close to people in relationships---whether friendship or romantic. I'm afraid they'll leave. This hadn't bothered me much in a while, but having my dad around reopened past hurt and wounds--I feel bad for feeling this way or even admitting this all.
But that's life right? C'est la vie.