Oooh Life...



That's what I'm asking the universe today. Where am I headed? What is my purpose? It seems everything I do, just isn't good enough--perfect enough. I've never claimed to be perfect, I've only claimed being the best me--I can be. That's all that I long to be--is me. It's now the 1st of July. This is going to be a testing month for me. As it is the month, I need to secure a proper full-time job or else I'll have to go back to my old job. I've been applying like crazy, but nada. I really am trying hard--nothing seems to be working out lately....

It's the last month, of it being my mom, my brother and I before my dad moves in. I've been stressing about this a lot--I do not care for my dad at all. He was never around when I grew up--The times I did see him--he was behind a window in a jail, he was drunk or high, he was abusive verbally/somewhat physically towards my mother. And now, since he's going to rehab--he and my mom thinks everything is going to be okay, that we all can be a "family", that he can make up for the lost time. SORRY. Not happening for me. It would be different if he was away due to work, soldier duties or something--but it's things that could have been prevented. 

I do not want him to be a part of my life and I am sorry if some may think it's wrong. I don't even talk to anyone about this, but I wish someone would care to understand me... I've lived all my life with my mom being both the Mother & Father---it's too late to make up for lost time---it's too late to be my father--