I'm embarrassed to say this, but one thing that has always effected my confidence is my mom. How you may ask? She has always made me feel as what I do/what I accomplish is never good enough. This has been since childhood. Growing up, I was skinny(and still am), but she would always tell me "you need to gain weight" "you need to eat more" "you're so skinny". As if I had any control over my weight--I ate all the time and still do. I ran track, which I'm sure made my metabolism quicker than others. Til this she still makes these types of remarks. I told her years ago, that her comments hurt me and I don't like it. Even my older brother would tell my mom, "leave her alone, she's still growing and fine the way she is."---but my mom, she never listens---it's her way or no way.
All my life, when I've made decisions---she'd always get mad if it wasn't the decision she wanted me to make. In high school, I stopped doing track sophomore year because I wanted to join the Marching Band/ColorGuard--and she got mad and said, "you're just thinking about yourself---you could get a track scholarship and you're throwing it away for dance?" That hurt that she couldn't accept my decision for MY life. I felt my mom and I were closer when I was in college since I was on my own, but since moving back---I feel our relationship has been deflating. There's always something wrong, she's always moody---I try to always stay out the house because I do not want to be consumed by negativity and negative energy. There have been many other things that have hurt my ego as well as my younger brothers due to my moms comments, but that will be all I share for now. The feeling of not being good enough has also led me to feeling that way in other areas of my life(career, relationships)---though I shouldn't. I'm learning...
My goal starting in August is to truly start saving up for my own place, so come 2018--hopefully in the beginning I can get my own place. Especially since, I no longer have to worry about a car payment. I wrote an affirmation on my board that says, "You Are Enough. Do Not Let The Negative Comments or Judgments Ruin Your Day. Don't Let It Invade Your Mood/Vision For Longer Than 10 Minutes--Simmer For A Bit & Then Be On Your Way. You Are Good Enough, Remember That ALWAYS!"
xo 9:06AM xo