Comparison & Feeling Insecure....

I don't know what it is, but I've been feeling very insecure lately-like 2 weeks. My confidence has decreased in the past few weeks. Also for some reason, when I logged into Tumblr today, I could see what things people were liking(probably a glitch cuz Tumblr is always having issues)...But I saw that AM was liking pics/gifs of other girls---mainly cam-girls who would be touching themselves or just in lingerie or naked. Did it make me feel some type of way? Hmmm, I'd say to an extent. Because "boys will be boys"-- boys naturally watch porn, are always thinking about sex and naturally always want to see women naked. I, too watch porn, but feel it's different for guys--like they actually fantasy about being in the situation. 

I think it also made me feel a bit insecure because I'm not completely satisfied where I am physique-wise yet. And for me, it made me feel my body isn't "perfect" enough or that I don't show enough skin--that I'm not "this" or "that". I wonder if the situation was switched and a guy found out their girl was following/looking/liking guys pics of guys with their dicks hanging out--would they too feel they aren't well endowed or enough for their girl? Am I enough? Pretty enough? Desirable enough? Supportive enough? Etccc...These are things, I'm too afraid to admit aloud or to others. Is it okay that I feel these things? Am I alone? I've been having really realistic-like dreams lately, of losing people I hold close to my heart. 

Maybe I fear being taken advantage off, or lead on, or played for a fool..abandoned--because those things have happened to me before. I had an ex, who would do the same thing and I didn't care much, but then I found out he was messaging them as well--going beyond just liking and then he cheated on me--TWICE..I guess that really scarred me and stayed with me. I've been comparing myself a lot lately to others; whether it be looks, career, finances etc...I just wish I was in a better place in my life. I don't like feeling insecure, but it happens every now & then. And it makes me feel as if I shouldn't feel these things.  I want to start getting back into working out and hiking--those things help me stay mentally balanced. I haven't felt this insecure in a long while.

I'm always striving for perfection in every shape and form possible, but maybe I just can't be as perfect as I'd like. I just want to go MIA for the next few days. Feeling really down and as if I'm lacking tonight..glad I have the day off tomorrow..sigh..gonna focus on improving & riding myself of doubts. Forgive me for feeling this way.

8:35pm