Deep Talks.

Today after work, as my coworker and I were walking to our cars. My co-worker asked how things were going in my home situation. I informed her about my family issues at the beginning of September because I felt she should know because I felt unsafe at home and just in case anything happened--she'd know people involved. Anyways she asked me how things at home were--I told her it's become a real stressor in my life. She went on to tell me how she was in a similar situation in her 20s with her parents. She told me how her mom was very abusive to her and her sister--and til this day her sister doesn't speak to her mom. Which made me sad to hear, but also made me feel good to know that family isn't the only unstable and "crazy" one. 

I was telling her how Ifeel a lot of the negative energy and emotions of my mom are taking their toll on me. I told her, how I am always constantly worrying about my mom---yet how I also seem to let this situation get the better of me and get me in moody moods because it's annoying and the same thing over and over again. They argue, he leaves to get drunk, she let's him back in--then says she's telling him to leave--but then changes her mind and lets him stay. It's frustrating and nerve-wrecking because I never know what I'm going to walk into after work.

Today I came home and he wasn't here. My brother informed me that they got in a huge argument in the morning and he left. He came back after I got off work--drunk of course and speaking disrespectfully to my mom. I just sat in my room listening, until he started getting loud--so I went out to him and told him, I'm tired of him disrespecting my mom--calling her names--leaving and then expecting her to open the door whenever he decides to come back after getting drunk. This situation is truly weighing me down. My co-worker told me, I need to start living for me and not trying to "save" my mom--when I need to be focusing on saving myself before it really drives me over the edge. I thought that was great advice, so I'm going to try and not let the situation burden me as much---and try to truly find peace even in this chaos.