It's extremely aggravating when you witness someone continuously take steps back, when they were taking steps forward. Does that make sense? Near the end of 2017, I had a talk with my mom about how my dad is bad energy and toxic for her. She said, she was moving forward without him, but it's a new year and already old ways are showing up. I completely understand that he is helping to pay bills, since my bro doesn't have a job at the moment and I can't help out as much because I'm on unemployment. What I don't understand is her need to try and save their relationship. They aren't good for each other and I despise my dad, I truly hate him. For a long time, I've wondered is it okay that I feel this way towards my father...is it okay to hate him--to not care for his existence. How can I care for someone who has never shown me they care for me or my brother(s) and even more so, my mom. I've seen him disrespect my mom on so many levels.
This year, I want to save save save! I need to get out of this environment. I thought things would have changed by now, but no--I'm still dealing with drug addicts, I'm still witnessing toxic behaviors. I've made my feelings heard about the situation regularly, but change is not occurring-I see people pretending to love one another, I see people taking advantage of one another, I see addiction not only to drugs, but a horrible addiction to each other. And I'm tired of it. This year, I truly wanted to focus on improving my relationship with my mom, but at the moment it doesn't seem to be possible because she's back to her old ways of taking the abuse.
I can't help nor save those who don't want saving....what I can do though is save myself.