Blah

The last 3 days have been really tough. I feel as if I'm stuck. I've reached out to people I know asking if they know of anyone hiring, I've applied for over 30 jobs this week and I haven't received not even one call. It's very disheartening when I'm taking the steps needed to grow, but nothing is coming through. Home life is whatever, my dad talks to my mom very disrespectfully and I haven't been saying anything about it to her, but it's getting to the point where I'm going to have to say something since my mom isn't. He literally does whatever he wants, leaves for days then when he comes back he asks my mom if she is going to cook?!!! Like ummm no. Then he gets made if she says no. She isn't here to serve you, sorry. It's also very draining because the energy in the environment hasn't really been nice either. 

It's annoying because I truly wanted to move-out, but seems that won't be happening since nothing is falling through. I can't give up, but I sure do feel like giving up. I feel defeated. I feel my actions aren't manifesting anything. I feel I'm stuck in a dark tunnel and then I see a glimpse of light, only for it to have been an illusion, a mistaken glimpse of hope, a mistaken glimpse that luck and blessings are on my side. This isn't how I imagined the beginning of the year being for me. I have $12 dollars to my name, no savings, uncomfortable living conditions... I feel myself migrating back inwards to old ways of being reclusive. I'll admit I'm down in the dumps and starting to feel depressed.....I feel everyone has everything/most things figured out. I'm going to be 28 in May, feeling disappointed. .

*sigh* 5:05PM