Today was a very emotional and hard day. I woke up in a pretty good mood and I just knew my check would come and I would be able to have some funds in my account for bills. Well it didn't come and I ended up emailing her telling her it was illegal to withhold MY money. She then sent it to me right away---funny how that works! Mostly, I stayed in bed all day and slept on and off. I felt very overwhelmed and as if nothing I do is working out nor good enough(mainly when it comes to my mom). Being at home has been extremely draining and stressful. I truly thought this would all be over once my dad left, but no still drama. All this negative energy is weighing me down. 

I've been doing my best to stay in high spirits and not let my situation(lack of money, no job) get the best of me...But today I couldn't hold it in anymore and I just laid in bed crying and crying until I cried myself to sleep. I just wanted to disappear into sleep, so I didn't have to feel the pain and hurt of my current situation. It would be nice to be able to turn off my feelings and emotions sometimes. As I said this day was extremely draining emotionally, which is why I stayed in bed all day. I feel I haven't felt this low since my freshman year of college. 

I hope that things will get better, I truly have been trying my hardest. 
What do I do? Where is life taking me, where am I taking life? 
What is the reasoning behind my struggles? What is meant to be learned in my times of instability & poverty?