adulthood

Unapologetically ME.

I am just getting in from attending an event/panel that discussed Identity. The event was held at an art museum, so I got there 2 hours early so I could explore the museum. I'm so glad that I did that. They were having a special exhibit called The Photo Project. Basically it was a program that gave young girls the opportunity to explore themselves through photography. The photos were raw, real and authentic. It acted as a platform so that their voice could be heard. 

One part of the exhibit had a space that asked, "What would you have told your younger self? & What can you tell your future self?" & then you hang your response. Not only did that exhibit inspire me to be my TRUE authentic self, but then later on when I attended the panel--the same message was being said...'Accept who you are & own it--be unapologetically RAW!' Last year, I was well on my way, but things happened and I lost the drive to do so. This event opened my eyes and I want to be on that mission again. 

I don't have the answers, I only have my truths. And as long as I'm true to myself and mission--then all will be well. Constantly learning, constantly growing. 

27

As the last hour of my birthday ticks away, I can't help but to think how far I've come. I'm very hard on myself and sometimes more so focus on what I lack and haven't accomplished--rather than all the hurdles I made it over, all the times I persevered. I'm my own biggest fan and my own worst enemy. Now that I am 27, I feel it's time to take charge, push boundaries, rid myself of people who only want to use me for temporary purposes. I do not have time to waste with indecisive people, people with ill intentions, people who use and abuse my sincerity. 

Each and everyday I do something to show myself "I love you"(meaning self love/appreciation). Whether it's cleaning, writing, dancing, singing, reading, surrounding myself in nature, learning. I'm learning to truly love my imperfections. I have many insecurities that I'm trying to heal and fix. Sometimes, I compare my beauty to others--I see guys like post of  females who are Instagram famous, or I see guys liking/subscribing/following girls on instagram/tumblr who are webcam girls-post only nude-lingerie pics/vids & it makes me feel as if that's all guys are attracted to & want--someone who flaunts their skin, someone who can please them in only one way. I dislike superficial people. We live in a superficial society where looks seem to be the only thing that matters. But I wonder has anyone ever looked at me and wanted to know me for who I am inside? beyond the outer layer? wanted to know me for me--not for what I can give...I guess I've been thinking about that lately. I've never been the type to be superficial nor do I plan on being. 

I want to connect with people who want to truly get to know me, I want to build friendships that will last. I may not know where I'm going/journeying to at the moment--but I know where I'd like to be. And I'm slowly but surely working to reach those goals and dreams. I want to be more vulnerable and not so guarded. I want to share my writings more--in hopes to connect with like-minded individuals--as well as be an inspiration to females/women of color. I aspire to inspire. Today at work as I checked out an older female(52), I asked what she was buying the items for and she told me how she pursued her dreams of becoming an interior designer at the age of 45 and how she's been successful. She went on to tell me, "If there's something your heart desires, go after it, sweetie." Her words came at the right time.

May my 27th year be filled with growth, peace, networking, love, clarity, stability, creativeness, patience, passion, adventures, getting rid of old/useless habits, creating new positive habits, being more health/fitness aware, more laughter-less tears, facing fears, inner peace, mindfulness, less overthinking/being inside my head. 

Speak Thy Truth: Rise Like A Phoenix.

In 2016, one of the things I said I'd work on in 2017, is Speaking Thy Truth. The funny thing is, at the beginning of the year(I think in February)--I went to a poetry workshop where one of their key points was Learn To Speak Your Truth. I feel that's why I write. I write because I have a hard time voicing my feelings and feel I speak better via words. I always felt I turned to poetry/writing to openly express myself without being judged. I can express feelings of love without fear, I can express feelings of sadness without someone thinking I'm looking for sympathy, I can express emotions of pain, hurt, joy, indecision and so forth. 

I feel I have been writing a lot as of late, but some poems I feel reveal too much of my soul, of what goes on in my mind, of things I just can't find the write words to voice. But then I think about it and say, "Hey! I thought you were suppose to be speaking your truth!" There are some writings, I never post because I feel others may not relate or may not understand the metaphors I use. But I know that I need to escape and let go of this comfort zone. Though I am not where I want to be, I have accomplished many things I should be very proud of--from publishing a book, performing on stage 2 times, expressing my wants and needs. I should be very proud of myself, but I have lately been very down on myself due to circumstances. 

I am progressing slowly but surely. I may not realize it now, but I will look back on these days and say, "The struggle is what lead you here. You needed those downfalls and struggles to rise up like a phoenix"